The first word that came out from my mouth is ZOMG. I don’t where to start, I don’t know what word that could represent my feeling, I don’t know how to explain this…Oh My God Jesus Christ I’m very, very surprised. Shocked. Startled. Am I dreaming? Or Am I living in a soap opera? Is it real? IS THIS REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL?! Ok *inhale *exhale.
Is human population increasing that quickly? “WHY THE WORLD IS SO CRAMPED?” everything that I did, I do & I will do always related to someone’s life out there. I know this world is crowded. I know Indonesia has a huge number of human populations. I know these towns where I live in now, where I studying now is consist of thousand of schools *Oh ok I’m talking out of the topic*. But why do I need to meet you? Not someone else. Not your friends. Not your relative either. Why YOU? Ok let say this is my bad. My false for letting myself to fall for someone like you, for having a crush with someone like you. You know a guy like your kind should be using a big sign board above your head like “Girls if you fall for us, don’t blame us for your tears and sadness.” Why that kind of human should be exist? Why people keep seeing other by its cover? Why girls keep falling for that kind of human? God for shake, you embarrass ‘good guy race’ out there. Why? Why? Why? You can be even better than this. Baby boy, you’re not ugly, you’re not even stupid or poor either. But why you have to be jerk? You can be every girl’s prince charming. If you want to and if you COULD change. By the way I think you should know something.
Note this:
Not every girl around you is dazzled by your wealth. Not every girls around you is materialistic, even most of them is. Not every girl around you is craving for popularity. Not every girl around you is ‘can be purchased’, even some of them is. Not every girl around you is available to go out midnight, even most of them is. Not every girl around you is comfort with your ‘physical contact habit’, even most of them is ‘enjoyed’ that.
"Looks may attract them, but your personality is what keeps them there."
You know. I was terribly wrong about you. I was blinded by your ‘fake’ kindness. I was too hypocrite. And I blame myself for almost a week because this wrong option that I took & chose myself. I was too careless by ignore my friend advice.
I’m too easy to give someone my trust when the fact is you are someone who isn’t trustworthy. I got a really bad feeling on that night, when you right away talked about that topic, with me, two of us, in the car, almost midnight. But I keep my mind in ‘positive thinking minded’ that night.
I couldn’t imagine what will happen if I didn’t refuse your invitation. I just don’t want to thinking about it. What a stupid and reckless girl I am…
Lately I know your black history list. I don’t know how the story is revealed this clear in front of me, I don’t know why the door is wide open for me to reveal yours. I’m not as cruel as you. I don’t want to make you feel broken that deep by reveal the truth here, even maybe there are dozens of girl that you have used for having fun. I prayed for that girl, the one of the dozens that you hurt that much to be strong and forgive you.
God never fall asleep, He is 24/7 standby for us. Caring and protecting us. Boy, if there’s no one that will slap you on the face, trust me, Karma will.
I thanked for Jesus that stay with me that night -and I know like He always did-, to protect me and remind me to choose the right way, to keep me stay strong in faith, to keep me save. I thanked Him for the broken-heart time, I just realize this is one of His way to show me that he isn’t worthy, that he isn’t a good guy for me and the most important one is…He let me feel broken-heart to let another good one to walk into my life. I know He loves me, like no one ever could. He helps me through anything, maybe I can’t see him literally helping me. But I know He always send me His right hand…super huge hugs and kisses that I send for them; My best friends, my boarding-house-mate-friend, my mom. As always, I love them like no one would ever do.
"Stay true to your friends, they may just last a lifetime."
Dedicated to D, F, D & M
Eternal love just for you girls
Much love & hug
Hanna
0 komentar:
Post a Comment